Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
