Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
