He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
