dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize