my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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