Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
