I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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