i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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