I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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