I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize