I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
