last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
