ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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