Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
