So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
