Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The uberlube is also flammable
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
