You can't motorboat a personality
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
