This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
