I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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