i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
