Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
