im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
