nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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