How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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