1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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