Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize