Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
