Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
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what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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