from now on my penis is your penis
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
