I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Even my vagina gasped.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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