I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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