I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Let's paint friendship bongs
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
