my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i think i scared a bird with my dick
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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