What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
people are starting to question the shark bite story
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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