I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
And then my night got REAL pukey
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
