i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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