bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
