Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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