I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
