Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
