Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
