STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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