We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
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Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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