new low.... made out with someone while peeing
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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