the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
