just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
