You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
