i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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