Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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