once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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