Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
