What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
