She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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