I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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